


The Curious Case of the Burning Robot (or Why Tony Can’t Have Nice Things)

by MissMorwen



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack, F/M, Implied/Referenced Sex, Robots, Silly, ಠ_ಠ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 15:56:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4882924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMorwen/pseuds/MissMorwen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>”I’m 80% sure that’s not supposed to be on fire,” Bucky said, looking at the thirty-foot-tall burning robot slowly approaching the beach house.<br/>“Only 80%? So there’s a 20% chance it is?” Natasha asked.<br/>“Who knows? I don’t get to see that many giant robots in my day-to-day life.”</p>
<p>**************</p>
<p>The harrowing tale of how James "Bucky" Barnes and Natasha Romanoff fought against a giant, burning robot and won against all odds. Or, you know, a silly ficlet about silly things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Curious Case of the Burning Robot (or Why Tony Can’t Have Nice Things)

**Author's Note:**

> The first line is from [this promt from Write World](http://writeworld.org/post/122085805568/im-80-sure-thats-not-supposed-to-be-on-fire). The silliness is a result of me being stuck on my other fic and binging on Jenny Lawson's Furiously Happy. Sorry, not sorry.

”I’m 80% sure that’s not supposed to be on fire,” Bucky said, looking at the thirty-foot-tall burning robot slowly approaching the beach house. Well, maybe not slowly, but at least unhurriedly. Leaving them time to collect a few of their things and put them in the car before it got there. If only it had been slower, then they would definitely have managed to stop it before it got to the beach house.

“Only 80%? So there’s a 20% chance it is?” Natasha asked.

“Who knows? I don’t get to see that many giant robots in my day-to-day life.”

“There was one at that base last month,” she pointed out.

“That one was clearly not as big as this one. Twenty feet at most.”

“Clearly. I think we should try to stop it. It’s probably not here to enjoy a quiet walk on the beach.”

“Good point. You try to lead it into the water while I hunt for weapons?”

“Sounds good to me,” Natasha said and jumped over the railing. A few shots at the robot got its attention and she ran away from the house towards the sea as it turned to follow.

Unfortunately _someone_ had insisted that Bucky couldn’t bring a rocket launcher and he was left with a couple of guns, a few knives, and some explosives. On top of that then it wasn’t enough explosives to do any serious damage unless it was skillfully placed at strategic weak points. It was almost as if their so-called friends didn’t want them to be able to defend themselves against burning robots.

Since there wasn’t many options with such a limited range of weaponry, Bucky opted to throw the granite table top from the dining room at the robot. In effort to damage the robot’s antenna and prevent it from signaling for help, of course. It was a desperate and regrettable move, since the table top broke and the robot turned on him, but it had to be done.

Bucky placed the first few charges on its legs by himself while Natasha kept the robot distracted. Then she placed the ones on its body while he ran back to the house. The last two charges had to be placed by the head and while seawater still drenched her, it wasn’t enough to let her climb all the way to the top of the burning, thirty-foot robot. So instead Bucky got onto the raised sundeck at the back of the house and launched himself at it, when the robot got nearer.

When he had placed the last charges the robot froze. It was like the calm before the storm. The robot stood completely still by the lovely one-level beach house overlooking the North Atlantic Ocean. It turned its head to look at them as if it knew it had lost. It had come all this way to take out two of the fiercest fighters in the entire world and it had failed. Inevitably and completely.

 

“This is complete bullshit,” Tony said.

“You wanna hear the rest or what?” Bucky said, deeply insulted by the interruption.

Tony sighed and waved at him.

“And then it exploded,” Bucky said.

“Ka-blaaaaam,” Natasha added with helpful hand gestures.

“And that’s why my 1960s Usonian style house is burned to the ground?” Tony asked calmly.

“Did you not listen to my harrowing tale?” Bucky asked at the same time as Natasha said: “Would I lie to you, Tony?”

“You’re not staying in anything owned by me, ever again.” Tony turned around and left the room before either of them had a chance to reply.

“I told you we should have gone with accidental fire while cooking,” Natasha said.

“It wouldn’t have explained the broken dinner table top,” Bucky replied.

“Nothing will ever be able to explain the dinner table, mой милый. Not in polite company anyway.”

“Didn’t hear any complaints while we were at it.”

“Well no, but perhaps the next time we should try not to destroy any furniture.”

“No guarantees, but I’ll try.”

“Yeah, you’d better. By the way, I think Bruce has a house in Calcutta. With all that rain, I barely got a tan. Maybe we should ask him? Still got five days to the next mission.”

“Worth a try.” Bucky shrugged. He could use the extended vacation, he was pretty sure he’d pulled a muscle in his back. It had been completely worth it, but relaxing for a few days would be nice. It would also mean he didn’t have to look Steve in the eyes when he heard about it. Or listen to Clint’s sniggering. And he had thought of this other thing that didn’t even need a table for it to work. Completely worth a try.


End file.
